In order to grow, expand, widen
his lexicological corpus,
Roger bought, acquired, purchased
a synonymopedia, a thesaurus.
Soon, presently, without delay,
he no longer ran out of things to say,
speak, utter, express, articulate,
give voice to, pronounce, communicate.
This was all very well, fine, great,
wonderful, super, terrific
but his friends, mates, pals found him
boring, tedious, dull. Soporific.
So let this be a warning,
an omen, a sign, a premonition,
it’s all very well to show learning,
education, knowledge, erudition,
but here’s a suggestion, a hint,
a top tip, some advice,
don’t ever let it stop you
from being concise,
brief, short, clear, pithy,
succinct, compendious, to the point.
Its not eazy being a pedent
correcting others’ mis-takes all daylong
My freinds and me are totally sic
of observing gramma witch has gone wrong.
“Whom are these language offenders”?,
“could it be that I maybe one, to”
Their ignorant; stupid, and careless:
off gramma they have’nt a clue.
They’re speling is sutch an embarrasment
its’ amature, wired, and, abserd,
comprized of neither thought or intelligance,
to a dictionary they should of refered.
Writing down there awkwardly formed sentences,
the participle clauses are left dangling.
just made one less mistake each would have the affect
to dramatically reduce this language mangling.
To say that Damian
would be an understatement
for there was no abatement
in his capacity for loquacity
nor lack of temerity
in his pursuit
of verbal dexterity.
It was precisely this pomposity
mixed with verbosity
which made him describe
Kieran Thomas as “crepuscular”.
Kieran Thomas was also more muscular.
Damian nursed his black eye
and hoped Kieran
might be struck down with
“Sometimes the power
of a homophone
comes out of nowhere
and hits you,
like being struck
by a ten ton truck”,
jailbird Bert Chisholm,
life-sentenced to prison,
turned to poetry as a form of escape
and threw the rhyme-book out of the window
by stringing words together
down which to descend
(for poetry was an activity
to put an end to captivity)
it was at the party
that i mentioned how
i was often befuddled
at the words
that you muddled
you replied that
it was a mute point
and that you would try
to nip it in the butt
you then suggested we get our coats
as the party was something of a damp squid
it was like
not because of her
and vaniloquent verbosity
but the fact she had
an abnormally ample
We spent the evening discussing our favourite words,
Exploring the entire lexicographical spectrum.
You had a penchant for pipette and plectrum,
A fondness for fondant, frippery and flimsy,
Plus other words of whimsy.
I spoke of spatchcocks, stirrups and surly,
Hosanna’d hubbub, hullabaloo, hurly-burly
Until you told me to shut up and leave
As the next morning you had to get up early
To feed your Uncle Cecil’s pigs.