Thirty days hath September,
April, June and November.
Unless a leap year is its fate,
February hath twenty-eight.
All the rest hath three days more,
excepting January,
which hath six thousand,
one hundred and eighty-four.
Assorted Poems
And Now for the Weather
Assorted PoemsToday is set to be agreeably alliterative
across an assortment of areas
although the occasional metaphor
may cause some faces to cloud.
Idioms will be coming down like stair rods
in northern regions, while the south
may experience the odd outbreak of similes,
like an unexpected shower of arrows.
In coastal, littoral, and seaside areas,
synonyms remain likely.
Further inland, sudden gusts of hyperbole
look set to take your breath away
and a series of scattered euphemisms
will have you reaching for your wellies.
If you’re driving, please be aware that tautologies
of frozen ice are still affecting some roads,
after a heavy and prolonged flurry of oxymorons.
And finally – from tomorrow evening –
expect to see the return of some light litotes,
making next week’s outlook hardly the best.
Poet, Philosopher & Failure
Assorted Poems
Alexa, what is there to know about when the paperback is coming out?
Assorted Poems, NewsI’m delighted to receive some advance paperback copies of my book ‘Alexa, what is there to know about love?’. It publishes on 3rd Feb and is available to pre-order.
I’ve taken a photo of it next to a plant because that’s what book bloggers sometimes do if a cup of cappuccino is unavailable.
It’s available through all the bookshops, particularly the independent ones. The book may or may not be appropriate for Valentine’s Day or be put to a variety of other sundry uses.
I’ve also attached a few poems from it, what always used to refer to as ‘bonus promotional content’.
It’s December so I suppose I should mention these books in case you might want to incorporate any of them into your Christmas shopping.
‘50 Ways to Score a Goal’ is a collection of poems, perfect for the football obsessive in your life, whether they’re aged eight or eighty (but not thirty-four for some reason).
‘Alexa, what is there to know about love?’ published earlier this year in a splendid-looking hardcover edition. It’s a collection of poems about love (plus a few other things like Brexit and pasta), making it the ideal gift for Sagittarians, vegetarians and Presbyterians.
‘Diary of a Somebody’ is a novel, in the form of a diary, about a complete loser called Brian Bilston (no relation). It also contains over 100 poems and for shortlisted for the Costa First Novel Award. Goes well with a tomato and basil sauce.
‘You Took the Last Bus Home’ is, at heart, a book with some words in it. Many of these have been arranged into poems along with punctuation marks and the occasional line break. Appropriate for mums, uncles, nephews and sister-in-laws.
And ‘Refugees’ is my forwardy-backwardy poem in picture book format for children. The poem is accompanied by the beautiful artwork of José Sanabria.
They’re available from a bookshop near you. Unless you’re in North America, where generally you can only get hold of You Took the Last Bus Home and Refugees.
Also, you can find all the titles here, alongside some of my favourite books: https://uk.bookshop.org/shop/brianbilston
I hope to bring news quite soon of a new book on the way but more on that anon (and on and on).
New books!
Assorted Poems, NewsIt’s been a while since I’ve posted anything on here. Sorry about that. Or maybe it’s a good thing. Opinions may vary.
Anyhow, I have managed to publish a couple of new books since my last post. Quite how this happened, I don’t know.
In January, my new collection ‘Alexa, what is there to know about love? published. It’s my first proper collection since ‘You Took the Last Bus Home’. It contains a sequence of poems about love in its different varieties, as well as other, more mundane preoccupations. It looks like this …
And then a few weeks ago, I had a book of football poems for children published. It’s called ‘50 Ways to Score a Goal’. It’s bright green and looks like this …
Both are available through a bookshop near you – or indeed any of those online bookshops that you get nowadays.
That’s it for now. Stay safe and well!
Alexa, what is there to know about love?
Assorted Poems, NewsSome news. I’m delighted to have a new poetry collection publishing next year with Picador Books: ‘Alexa, what is there to know about love?’
It’s coming in January to coincide with the seventh wave of the virus, and can be preordered now.
You can find out more at the link below:
On Leaving the House and Encountering Another Human Being
Assorted Poems, Some poemsI’m sorry I dived into the bushes.
It’s not personal, you understand.
You happened to walk in my direction
and my nerves got the upper hand.
I’m sorry I screamed when you came near me.
Don’t take my angry shrieks to heart.
Idiomatically, let’s stay in touch –
and physically, six feet apart.
Apologies if it seems like you repulse me,
that I recoil when you come near.
In other times, we might have spoken,
shared a joke or had a beer,
or waltzed together down the footpath,
perhaps we may yet still one day.
But just for now, embrace the margins
and wave to me from far away.
Comparative Guidance for Social Distancing
Assorted Poems, Some poemsJust remember it’s:
The length of a musk ox or fully-grown llama
Three Rubik’s Cubes plus one Keir Starmer
Eleven seven-inch singles by Bananarama
That’s what two metres is.
Alternatively, it’s:
1/ 192,199,930th of a single moon beam
2.2 times greater than Munch’s The Scream
About 10½ packets of custard creams
That’ll be two metres.
If easier, think:
Thirty-three pairs of dragonfly wings
The length of a yoga mat belonging to Sting
Two one-metre long pieces of string
That comes to two metres.
Or failing that, imagine:
0.00000091 of the coast of mainland Wales
18.2648402 cricket bails
One and a quarter Prunella Scales
That’s two metres.
Cat under Lockdown
Assorted Poems, Some poemsMy cat has been adapting to the lockdown
rather well, it must be said.
She leaves the sofa for very limited purposes,
exercising once a day in the flowerbeds,
never failing to wash her paws
for at least two hours upon her return.
She no longer meets friends or relatives
who do not live in her home,
but contents herself in catching up with them
on Skype or Zoom. Should other cats
intrude on her territory, she’s always careful
to maintain her social hiss stance,
and she deplores the action of her neighbour
who has been stockpiling mice for weeks.
She bears it all with great fortitude
although she knows everything is changed,
and, when the ambulances go by,
they will wake her and she will look at me
as if to say, don’t worry, I’m here,
I have no plans to go anywhere.
Brian Bilston 