25% off my books via Waterstones

News

This week, Waterstones are offering 25% off all preorders of my new book, ‘How to Lay an Egg with a Horse Inside’, which publishes in April:

https://www.waterstones.com/book/how-to-lay-an-egg-with-a-horse-inside/brian-bilston/9781035085729

Use the code FEB26

Alternatively, signed copies are available to order through your local indie bookshop.

Waterstones are also promoting 25% off for preorders of the paperback edition of my poetry collection for children, ‘Let Sleeping Cats Lie’. That one is out in August:

https://www.waterstones.com/book/let-sleeping-cats-lie-pet-poems/brian-bilston/9781035050574

Use the code FEB26

A o m in hich I tar to r n o t of hara t r

Selected poems

Out of Character

having noticed one day
his keyboard was dirty,
he reached for the soap spray
and gave it a SQWERTY,
before scrubbing away
‘til each letter was clean
in ignorant bliss of
having wrec ed his machine –

for the  eys which once wor ed
no  grad ally did not
and the more that he ty ed
the  orse it all got
so that as the close
of his  oem dre  near,
as he  atched every s mbol,
e ery sign disa  ear,
he felt li e a  ostman
at the end of hi  ro nd,
 ith barel  a lette
in hi  bag to b  fo nd.

A poem in which I attempt to write an abecedarian poem in praise of the dictionary

Selected poems

An Attempt to Write an Abecedarian Poem in Praise of the Dictionary 

An unfaltering ability to 
Bring clarity to the English language 
Constitutes your  
Defining quality. 
Ever since the day we 
First met and I 
Giggled at the rude words  
Hidden amongst your pages, 
I adored you,  
Jubilant in the 
Knowledge that things were 
Looking up. You offered me the 
Meaning of life, 
Not to mention the meaning of all those 
Other words, too. 
Perfect at settling Scrabble board 
Quarrels, your judgement 
Reigns supreme. I 
Sift you daily, panning for words in 
The hope of penning the  
Ultimate – the greatest poem this  
Vast world has ever seen, but 
Whoa, here comes the 
X, and oh, alphabet, how could you, I knew 
You’d get the better of me 
Zooner or later. 

#InspirationalPoem

Selected poems

Message to the 14-Year-Old Me

Believe in yourself.
You can do anything you set your heart on –
except A level physics, perhaps.
Well, all the sciences really.

DIY is a bit of a no-no, too.
See also: driving; skiing; map reading;
cooking pasta in the right quantities;
relationships; origami.

Don’t even think about running
your own business. Or singing in tune.
Best to steer clear of all activities which require
good hand-eye coordination.

Forget ice-skating, tending house plants,
dealing with spiders, the correct spelling of the word
‘enjambement’. I could go on.
But do not despair – for given time

and with a little luck on your side –
you can achieve a basic level of competence
in a limited number of simple, unremarkable things,
you just need to believe in yourself.

Poem about how to monetise your social media followers

Selected poems

Monetisation

The advert said 
MONETISE YOUR FOLLOWERS 
so he thought 
he would respond

by painting them 
in the changing light, 
like waterlilies 
in a pond.

Annual reminder of how many days there are in each month

Selected poems

Mnemonic

Thirty days hath September,
April, June and November.
Unless a leap year is its fate,
February hath twenty-eight.
All the rest hath three days more,
excepting January,
which hath six thousand,
one hundred and eighty-four.

A poem about the power of poetry to change the world

Selected poems

The Power of Poetry

with things falling apart
and anarchy let loose,

it was only poetry, he found,
which had any use,

so he reached for his copy  
of The Complete Works of Yeats

and bludgeoned the President
of the United States

Poem concerning a new year dilemma

Selected poems

My Unbearable Politeness of Being

It’s the same dilemma
every year, I find,
upon meeting a person
for the first time,

for how long
does wishing them
a Happy New Year
remain de rigueur?

Perhaps I blow things
out of proportion
but I tend to err
on the side of caution

so I’ve always
Happy New Year-ed
until October the Third.