Pet Peeve

Keeping
a chameleon
for a pet

is something
that I now
regret.

At first,
as far as
I could tell,

he seemed
to blend in
very well,

but he’s
changed a lot
in many ways

I’ve not
seen him now
for fourteen days.

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Castaways

A bottle with a message
floated in upon the tide.
The sea is blue and so am I,
said the note inside.

Next day on the beach,
a plastic bag washed up.
Inside, another letter:
Come rescue me. I’m stuck.

In the kelp, a cry for help:
drowning in Styrofoam,
written on a coffee cup,
beneath Latte 4 Jerome.

The day after, thin tubes
were spread along the shore,
spelling out the words:
T H E  F I N A L  S T R A W.

Two weeks on, the beach was plastic.
Itself, an unanswered message:
castaways washed up on the sand,
and out to sea, the wreckage.

ee cummings attempts online banking

Now enter a password.
i carry your heart with me

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i carry your ear with me

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icarryyourearwithme

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ICarryYourEarWithMe

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1CarryY0urEarWithMe

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1CarryY0ur👂🏻WithMe

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AbCd1234&!%

Mark Zuckerberg Wants To Be My Friend on Facebook  

But enough about me, he said. What about you?
Tell me about the things you like to do,
your loves and passions, where you’re from,
your friends and family, the high school prom.
The books you’ve read, the songs you play,
how many steps you’ve walked today.
Your favourite team, the links you click,
and why not show me all your pics
and every message you’ve ever sent,
your phone contacts, and each event
you’ve attended – parties, gigs, street protests.
Oh, and every opinion that you’ve expressed.
 
I’ll share, too. Then serve it back to you:
it helps to optimise the ad click-thru’s.
Whole lives reduced to data sets,
algorithmic, summed up, expressed;
calculations based on hopes and fears
to influence what then appears
and manipulate the world that’s seen,
a rough harvesting of humanity.

Gremlin

A gremlin’s meddling in state affairs.
He lives beneath the White House stairs
in a cupboard stocked with fake tan jars
and shelves of tarnished samovars.

He creeps out at the witching hour
to sabotage the wheels of power
and make them turn the way he chooses.
And how his puppetry amuses!

The Gremlin’s own Petrushka doll,
a clown hand-carved to play this role.
A wooden, empty-headed thing!
See him dance as he pulls the strings.

What To Do in the Event of a Gun Attack

They are hiding under desks again
The school bell rings, the bullets rain
So say a prayer
And offer your condolences.

They are living out the lockdown drill
They are breathing in and keeping still
So send a tweet
And say a prayer
And offer your condolences.

They are lying in the corridors
In the classrooms, gym, and old school hall
So play a round of golf
And send a tweet
And say a prayer
And offer your condolences.

They are laying down the flowers again
Next month they will do the same
So just do fuck all
And play a round of golf
And send a tweet
And say a prayer
And offer your condolences.

A Brief History of the #

#barcamp #hashtag #FF #best
#wordgame #punfun #trulyblessed
#dingdong #romcom# #HaveYourSay
#pingpong #nomnom #EdBallsDay

#haiku #selfie #squadgoals #hope
#OneDirection #favouritesoap
#BlackLivesMatter #ReachOut #JoinIn
#Sponsored #Starbucks #BurgerKing

#JeSuisCharlie #LoveNotHate
#Strictly #Cecil #Oink #PigGate
#Bowie #UKIP #FoodbankQueues
#Brexit #AltRight #Trump #FakeNews

#Putin #Brexit #NorthKorea
#Trump #Covfefe #GrowingFear
#GBBOonChannel4
#Trump #RedButton #ThirdWorldWar

#Pyongyang #Seoul #NewYork #Berlin
#Brexit #Beirut #Beijing #Turin
#FallOut #Famine #DeathCount #Violence
#JeSuisEarth #JeSuisSilence

Out of the Rain

We ran down the high street and into the pub,
as we cheated the rain that fell from above,
dodging the puddles that had formed on the floor.
Such a beautiful day for a nuclear war.

You draped your wet coat on the back of your chair,
We emptied our drinks. The rain dripped from your hair.
A Guinness. A whiskey. Then I went back for more.
What a beautiful day for a nuclear war.

We talked. Pop songs. First pets. Favourite film stars.
We flicked pistachio shells into a jar.
You tried not to yawn. You must have thought me a bore.
It was a beautiful day for a nuclear war.

The days have changed now but I keep that one apart.
I carry it with me, tattooed on my heart.
The Guinness. Your wet hair. The dress that that you wore.
Such a beautiful day for a nuclear war.