Given it’s World Book Day, I suppose I should mention that I’ve got a new book coming out next month.
It’s called ‘How to Lay an Egg with a Horse Inside’: a collection of new poems, which also doubles up as a guide to enjoying and writing poetry.
It is not altogether serious.
It’s pre-orderable through your local friendly bookshop, plus those online ones.
Signed copies are available through the UK indie bookshops and here: https://uk.bookshop.org/a/295/9781035085729
Morrissey
was filled
with sudden
self-doubt
as he shut
his fridge door –
did the light
never go out?
She came from Greece,
she had a faulty socket.
Her eye fell out,
she couldn’t stop it.
That’s when I
caught her eye.
I’m reading poems at a few literary festivals this year – including ones in Keswick, Guernsey, Wrexham, Tunbridge Wells, Dorchester-on-Thames, Filey and Leek. Here’s a pic which provides an efficient summary of such matters:
Next month’s show at Words on the Water has sold out, but tickets are on sale for the other festivals. More info on those, plus my autumn tour dates, can be found here … https://brianbilston.com/events/
End of mildly boring post.
Even now in my mind,
that row remains VIVID –
I tried to stay CIVIL
but you ended up LIVID.
This week, Waterstones are offering 25% off all preorders of my new book, ‘How to Lay an Egg with a Horse Inside’, which publishes in April:
https://www.waterstones.com/book/how-to-lay-an-egg-with-a-horse-inside/brian-bilston/9781035085729
Alternatively, signed copies are available to order through your local indie bookshop.
Waterstones are also promoting 25% off for preorders of the paperback edition of my poetry collection for children, ‘Let Sleeping Cats Lie’. That one is out in August:
https://www.waterstones.com/book/let-sleeping-cats-lie-pet-poems/brian-bilston/9781035050574
having noticed one day
his keyboard was dirty,
he reached for the soap spray
and gave it a SQWERTY,
before scrubbing away
‘til each letter was clean
in ignorant bliss of
having wrec ed his machine –
for the eys which once wor ed
no grad ally did not
and the more that he ty ed
the orse it all got
so that as the close
of his oem dre near,
as he atched every s mbol,
e ery sign disa ear,
he felt li e a ostman
at the end of hi ro nd,
ith barel a lette
in hi bag to b fo nd.
An unfaltering ability to
Bring clarity to the English language
Constitutes your
Defining quality.
Ever since the day we
First met and I
Giggled at the rude words
Hidden amongst your pages,
I adored you,
Jubilant in the
Knowledge that things were
Looking up. You offered me the
Meaning of life,
Not to mention the meaning of all those
Other words, too.
Perfect at settling Scrabble board
Quarrels, your judgement
Reigns supreme. I
Sift you daily, panning for words in
The hope of penning the
Ultimate – the greatest poem this
Vast world has ever seen, but
Whoa, here comes the
X, and oh, alphabet, how could you, I knew
You’d get the better of me
Zooner or later.
Believe in yourself.
You can do anything you set your heart on –
except A level physics, perhaps.
Well, all the sciences really.
DIY is a bit of a no-no, too.
See also: driving; skiing; map reading;
cooking pasta in the right quantities;
relationships; origami.
Don’t even think about running
your own business. Or singing in tune.
Best to steer clear of all activities which require
good hand-eye coordination.
Forget ice-skating, tending house plants,
dealing with spiders, the correct spelling of the word
‘enjambement’. I could go on.
But do not despair – for given time
and with a little luck on your side –
you can achieve a basic level of competence
in a limited number of simple, unremarkable things,
you just need to believe in yourself.
The advert said
MONETISE YOUR FOLLOWERS
so he thought
he would respond
by painting them
in the changing light,
like waterlilies
in a pond.
