The only thing
Clive ever carried in his briefcase
Was a cheese and pickle sandwich.
Nothing unusual about that, perhaps,
But the other ants in the colony
Still regarded him
With suspicion.
Month: November 2014
black friday
Assorted Poems, Some poemsfew knew what lay in store
that Friday
it started (as such things always do)
with the haberdashers
where reckless price slashers
offered ten per cent off
cerise beading trimming
and soon the place
was full to brimming
as the prices lowered
the tension rose
resulting in a bloodied nose
by the children’s clothes
over in winter wear,
a couple of kerfufflers
turned to scufflers
over discounted mufflers
and there was more fighting
amongst the table lighting
as a shopper got lamped
and then put in the shade
there was carnage in the cardigans,
burnings in home furnishings,
a fracas near the nail lacquer
and a murderous mascara massacre
into luggage leaked mustard gas
and the worst case scenario
came to pass
thirty-five shoppers malled to death
who lost their lives in the fray,
the casualties of consumption
to be remembered on Black Friday
Kilimanjaro
Assorted Poems, Some poemsthe night Greg
summoned up the courage
to deliver his carefully prepared speech
to Sandra,
he was nervous,
declaring that he would
climb the deepest oceans
and swim the highest mountains
to be at her side
when Sandra laughed at him
and pointed out his mistake,
Greg fled and did not leave
his bedroom for ten days
the next time he saw her
Sandra was seeing Steve Glover
whom she subsequently was to marry
six years later, though,
Greg was to have the last laugh
when he became the first man
to swim breaststroke
across Mount Kilimanjaro
The Grammar Police
Assorted Poems, Some poemsthe grammar police got him
split his infinitive open,
removed his colon
and left him lying commatose
the next day he was pronouned dead
full stop
The Perils of Reading
Assorted Poems, Some poemswe sought other delights
as Wuthering Heights
had really started to bore us
but my Penguin Classic
went all Jurassic
when Emily Brontesaurus
scissors
Assorted Poems, Some poemsreturning to his old school,
Roy vanquished
childhood warnings
by running up and down
the corridor
with scissors in his hand
and, so doing, liberated himself
from the burden
of conformity
he did this for twenty-six seconds
before the tiger got him
Prometheus Uncreased
Assorted Poems, Some poemsNo-one could press a shirt
Like Percy Bysshe Shelley.
It said in a programme
I saw on the telly.
He would flatten with flair
Like a hero Byronic,
Which I guess you could say
Is a little ironic.
Toby
Assorted Poems, Some poemsSoon it would soon be January again.
She simply did not know
where the year had gone.
Eventually she found it
hidden away
in a shoebox,
under the bed,
along with 1997
and 2005.
Toby.
He had taken the best years of her life.
The Day It Rained Cats and Dogs
Assorted Poems, Some poemsthe day it rained
cats and dogs
you spent your time
pussyfooting around
and trying not to step
in the poodles.
Tony’s Tattoo
Assorted Poems, Some poemsTony had a tattoo
of his face
tattooed
on his face
no-one knew
except for Tony
and his tattooist,
who was also
called Tony
Brian Bilston 