weather

A poem for World Meteorological Day

Selected poems

And Now for the Weather

Today is set to be agreeably alliterative  
across an assortment of areas 
although the occasional metaphor  
may cause some faces to cloud. 

Idioms will be coming down like stair rods 
in northern regions, while the south  
may experience the odd outbreak of similes, 
like an unexpected shower of arrows. 

In coastal, littoral, and seaside areas,  
synonyms remain likely.  
Further inland, sudden gusts of hyperbole 
look set to take your breath away 

and a series of scattered euphemisms  
will have you reaching for your wellies. 
If you’re driving, please be aware that tautologies  
of frozen ice are still affecting some roads,  

after a heavy, prolonged flurry of oxymorons.  
And finally – from tomorrow evening –  
expect the return of some light litotes,  
making next week’s outlook hardly the best. 

Today’s Climate Forecast

Selected poems

And onto today’s climate forecast, 
where we can expect to see a prolonged spell of inaction,
interspersed with patches of hazy promises
across many areas. 

Over Westminster and other centres of government,
a build-up of hot air will cause inactivity to soar
to record levels over the coming days,
in spite of the high pressure.

Elsewhere, a front of chronic misinformation 
will sweep in from the east,   
bringing with it a thick band of climate change deniers
and the chance of scattered falsehoods,

while powerful gusts of idiocy and ignorance
look set to blow across social media.
Outbreaks of ‘We just got on with it in 1976’
and ‘It’s called the British summer, mate’ are likely.

In summary: unsettling.

And Now for the Weather

Assorted Poems

Today is set to be agreeably alliterative
across an assortment of areas
although the occasional metaphor
may cause some faces to cloud. 

Idioms will be coming down like stair rods
in northern regions, while the south
may experience the odd outbreak of similes,
like an unexpected shower of arrows. 

In coastal, littoral, and seaside areas,
synonyms remain likely.
Further inland, sudden gusts of hyperbole
look set to take your breath away 

and a series of scattered euphemisms
will have you reaching for your wellies.
If you’re driving, please be aware that tautologies
of frozen ice are still affecting some roads,  

after a heavy and prolonged flurry of oxymorons.
And finally – from tomorrow evening –
expect to see the return of some light litotes,
making next week’s outlook hardly the best.