Selected poems

A poem for World Refugee Day

Selected poems

Refugees

They have no need of our help
So do not tell me
These haggard faces could belong to you or me
Should life have dealt a different hand
We need to see them for who they really are
Chancers and scroungers
Layabouts and loungers
With bombs up their sleeves
Cut-throats and thieves
They are not
Welcome here
We should make them
Go back to where they came from
They cannot
Share our food
Share our homes
Share our countries
Instead let us
Build a wall to keep them out
It is not okay to say
These are people just like us
A place should only belong to those who are born there
Do not be so stupid to think that
The world can be looked at another way

(now read this poem from the bottom upwards)

A poem for World Otter Day

Selected poems

What Don Corleone Did Next

upon retiring
from the mafia

he wove aquatic mammals
out of raffia

let me tell you
how I learnt this news:

he made me an otter
I could not refuse

A poem for World Bee Day

Selected poems

The Last Bee 

After the last  ee 
had  uzzed its last  uzz, 
the  irds and the  utterflies 
did what they could. 

 ut soon the fields lay  are, 
few flowers were left, 
nature was  roken, 
and the planet  ereft. 

A poem which isn’t the one I had hoped to write

Selected poems

This is Not the Poem I Had Hoped to Write

This is not the poem I had hoped to write
when I sat at my desk and the page was white.
You see, there were other words I’d had in mind,
yet this is what I leave behind.

I thought it was a poem to eradicate war;
one of such power, it would heal all the sores
of a world torn apart by conflict and schism.
But it isn’t.

Lovers, I’d imagined, would quote from it daily,
Mothers would sing it to soothe crying babies.
And whole generations would be given new hope.
Nope.

I had grand aspirations. Believe me, I tried.
Humanity examined with lessons applied.
But the right words escaped me; so often they do.
Have these in lieu.

A poem for David Attenborough’s 100th birthday

Selected poems

Life of a Naturalist

it’s his birthday
and the sloths are up early for once
the flamingos line up in pink, long-legged salute
the birds of paradise parade in their finest
the elephants blow their trumpets
the blue whales gush with joy
the gorillas act out stories of his visits
the lions lay off the wildebeest for one day
and stand together on the Serengeti plain
the lyre birds sing his voice in tribute
the seals cannot stop clapping
and the ostriches urge us
to listen to him
and not bury our heads in the sand

A poem about forgetting an anniversary

Selected poems

  

Anniversary

I forgot, I said,
but since when was our love built
on anything so ordinary
as a date?   

Let other couples mark time.
I am too caught up
with the here and the now of you
to waste these hours
in commemoration of the past.  

Because our love is vast,
like an ocean,
with depths far beyond
others’ comprehension.  

Why spend our lives swimming circles
in the muddy puddle
of convention?  

Flowers fade.
Chocolates get eaten.
By such ephemera,
we should judge our love not.  

And you said,
what do you mean,
you forgot?  

A poem about a wannabe Bond villain

Selected poems

Billionaire in a Midlife Crisis

He’s swapped designer jeans and flashy cars
For designer spacesuits and trips to Mars
Where he watches Earth turn on its axis
With its stupid people paying taxes
He’s indulging all his whims and vices
He’s a billionaire in a midlife crisis

He’s got plans to end world poverty
Once his new hair’s lost its novelty
He’s dropping rap tracks and dissing pronouns
His kids have names they cannot pronounce
He’s choosing who his next young wife is
He’s a billionaire in a midlife crisis

He’s an outspoken champion of free speech
With a mute button in easy reach
He’s building an army of online abusers
More spambots equals more X-users
Cause he’s been left too long to his own devices
If truth be told, he’s not the nicest 
I hope he comes down with gastroenteritis 
He’s a billionaire in a midlife crisis

A poem about collective nouns

Selected poems

An Invention of Collective Nouns

A reckoning of spreadsheets.
A distraction of smartphones.
A prattle of podcasts.
A mispronunciation of scones.

A clique of photographers.
A heard of precedents.
An enjambment of
poets. A grope of presidents.

A pile of haemorrhoids.
A bunion of personal trainers.
A bout of estimations.
A condescension of mansplainers.

A stroke of geniuses.
A spot of adolescents.
An embarrassment of Richards.
A collection correction of pedants.

A poem about the cost of loving crisis

Selected poems

The Cost of Loving

I love you more than life itself
but I swear I’ll love you better
if you let me turn the heating off
and you wear another sweater.

I cannot get enough of you –
I’m completely in your thrall.
I love to watch you bending over
to unplug the telly at the wall.

Yes, you’re the only one for me,
my sweet and fragrant flower –
now you’ve ditched your daily bath 
for a cost-efficient shower.

Make no mistake, I love you loads,
you send my head into a spin.
Our cycle’s set to eco-wash:
let’s cram as much as we can in.

My cup of love’s full to the brim, 
it overflows, my petal.
So make yourself a brew with me,
but don’t overfill the kettle.