Satsumas are the Only Fruit

Assorted Poems, Some poems

O how I love to consume a satsuma!
A satsuma a day leads to good humour.

To obtain one I would fight a lion or puma
or risk the revenge of wrathful Montezuma.

For the sweet taste of just one satsuma
I would listen to a concerto of tuba,
learn the three major dialects of Yoruba,
read the minutes of the 1906 Duma.

The merest rumour of a buried satsuma
would see me turn fructo-archaeologist/exhumer.

Juicy-sweet segmental sensation!
Luscious litmus-testing, citrus-besting Christmas elation!
O how I love to consume a Satsuma!

It is also easier to rhyme than orange.

After the Fall

Assorted Poems, Some poems

After he fell off the wall and it became clear
That all the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Couldn’t put him together again,
He was taken home.

His wife looked at him.
He wasn’t like the egg she used to know.
He was cracked and broken
And wouldn’t come out of his shell.
That’s the end of my love life,
Thought Mrs Humpty Dumpty,
No more rumpty-pumpty.

Body Language

Assorted Poems, Some poems

Doug considered himself an expert
in reading Denise’s body language.

He made a study of her
and identified three main patterns of behaviour:

1) the way in which upon seeing him
she would dart into a nearby hedgerow

2) the way in which she would clamp her hands
tightly to her ears and close her eyes whenever he talked

3) the way in which, when once his hand lightly brushed hers,
she looked enquiringly into his eyes and then applied
an elbow to his ribs and a toe-cap to his shins

Doug understood
the unspoken intentions
hidden beneath the actions.

It was clear that she was desperately in love with him.


Assorted Poems, Some poems

when Jane described Clarence
as being like an onion,
he was thrilled to think
she saw him as multi-layered,
with such a lot going on
beneath the surface that
only after much peeling
would the revealing
of the real Clarence
become apparent

and so, later,
he was disappointed
to hear that she was referring
to his purple-red, papery skin
and the fact
that he would
occasionally emit
a volatile gas
that would bring tears
to her eyes