A poem about forgetting an anniversary

Selected poems

  

Anniversary

I forgot, I said,
but since when was our love built
on anything so ordinary
as a date?   

Let other couples mark time.
I am too caught up
with the here and the now of you
to waste these hours
in commemoration of the past.  

Because our love is vast,
like an ocean,
with depths far beyond
others’ comprehension.  

Why spend our lives swimming circles
in the muddy puddle
of convention?  

Flowers fade.
Chocolates get eaten.
By such ephemera,
we should judge our love not.  

And you said,
what do you mean,
you forgot?  

A poem about collective nouns

Selected poems

An Invention of Collective Nouns

A reckoning of spreadsheets.
A distraction of smartphones.
A prattle of podcasts.
A mispronunciation of scones.

A clique of photographers.
A heard of precedents.
An enjambment of
poets. A grope of presidents.

A pile of haemorrhoids.
A bunion of personal trainers.
A bout of estimations.
A condescension of mansplainers.

A stroke of geniuses.
A spot of adolescents.
An embarrassment of Richards.
A collection correction of pedants.

Publication Day!

News

It’s publication day for ‘How to Lay an Egg with a Horse Inside’.

For those of you who preordered, I hope your copy has arrived and you enjoy reading it.

For those of you who, for some strange reason, didn’t preorder, it should be out there in most bookshops for perusal and purchase. But only if you want to. 

There’s a special edition available through most indie bookshops (signed and with a bonus poem inside).

The book is available through the usual online places, too.

And as if that wasn’t enough, I’ve written a show based around the book, which I’ll be touring with later on in the year.  

If you have any questions, please pop them in the comments and my PA (Poetry Assistant) will get back to you in the next couple of months.

A picture of my new book jacket, featuring a mildly perplexed man looking up at a giant horse with an egg shaped body.

A poem not to be taken for granite

Selected poems

On Tender Hooks

Let me cut to the cheese:
every time you open your mouth,
I’m on tender hooks.

You charge at the English language
like a bowl in a china shop.
I wish you’d nip it in the butt.

On the spurt of the moment,
another eggcorn tumbles out.
It’s time you gave up the goat.

Curve your enthusiasm
and don’t give them free range –
or the chickens will come home to roast.

Sorry to be the flaw
in your ointment. You must think me
a damp squid, I suppose –

but they spread like wildflowers
in a doggy-dog world,
and your spear of influence grows.

BookKind Non-Fiction Book of the Month

News

The totally ace online booksellers BookKind have chosen ‘How to Lay an Egg with a Horse Inside’ as their Non-Fiction Book of the Month for April.

This is doubly good news because every copy sold via BookKind raises money for charity – just select from a range of charitable organisations when you order: https://bookkind.co.uk/book-of-the-month-home/

In celebration, here’s a video of me confronting the blank space of the white page. Or possibly the white space of the blank page.

A poem about the importance of punctuation

Selected poems

Slow Puncture

I’d use every one of them – each tiny symbol / sign –
to ‘light up’ my words … and write eye-catching lines:
the comma; the colon; the ellipsis; the slash;
the question mark; the hyphen; the en and em dash.

In stanzas 1-2, it was all there on show
(Was there nothing not used? The short answer: No!)
But then I came to an unfortunate juncture:
my punctuation, you see, got a slow puncture

and those small, helpful marks which let my words breathe
or made me understood, all started to leave.
Hyphens unhappened semi colons got missed
apostrophes went awol in commaless lists.

“And what of the question marks Oh yes even those
(while my brackets and speech marks forgot how to close
When the last comma left there was nowhere to pause
my words floated by in one endless clause

and no one could tell once the full stops departed
where one sentence ended and another one started
capitals absconded and meaning left too
as the breaks between stanzas bowed then withdrew just like the line breaks 
then all sense gotblurred thelastthingtogowasthegapsbetweenwords 

A poem which contains some fancy words

Selected poems

Logomachy

To say that Damian
was sesquipedalian
would be an understatement

for there was no abatement
in his capacity for loquacity
and not one trace of temerity
in his pursuit
of verbal dexterity.

It was precisely this pomposity
mixed with verbosity
which made him describe
Kieran Thomas as “crepuscular”.

Kieran Thomas was also more muscular.

Damian nursed his black eye
and hoped Kieran
might be struck down with
pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.

A poem for World Meteorological Day

Selected poems

And Now for the Weather

Today is set to be agreeably alliterative  
across an assortment of areas 
although the occasional metaphor  
may cause some faces to cloud. 

Idioms will be coming down like stair rods 
in northern regions, while the south  
may experience the odd outbreak of similes, 
like an unexpected shower of arrows. 

In coastal, littoral, and seaside areas,  
synonyms remain likely.  
Further inland, sudden gusts of hyperbole 
look set to take your breath away 

and a series of scattered euphemisms  
will have you reaching for your wellies. 
If you’re driving, please be aware that tautologies  
of frozen ice are still affecting some roads,  

after a heavy, prolonged flurry of oxymorons.  
And finally – from tomorrow evening –  
expect the return of some light litotes,  
making next week’s outlook hardly the best. 

25% off my books via Waterstones

News

This week, Waterstones are offering 25% off all preorders of my new book, ‘How to Lay an Egg with a Horse Inside’, which publishes in April:

https://www.waterstones.com/book/how-to-lay-an-egg-with-a-horse-inside/brian-bilston/9781035085729

Use the code FEB26

Alternatively, signed copies are available to order through your local indie bookshop.

Waterstones are also promoting 25% off for preorders of the paperback edition of my poetry collection for children, ‘Let Sleeping Cats Lie’. That one is out in August:

https://www.waterstones.com/book/let-sleeping-cats-lie-pet-poems/brian-bilston/9781035050574

Use the code FEB26