I’ve been having a bit of a sort out over the summer. I’m throwing out some old titles for poems which I shall never write. Free to a good home.
Index of Poems I Shall Never Write
Assorted Poems, Some poemsPoem
Let Sleeping Cats Lie
Assorted PoemsSome news! I have a new book of poems for children coming out in a couple of months – Let Sleeping Cats Lie.
It’s a collection of poems about pets (dogs, cats, goldfish, chinchilla, guinea pigs, snakes, budgies, rabbits, blue whales etc). I say it’s for children but it’s also suitable for grandchildren and, who knows, some grown-ups might enjoy it, too; I don’t like to be too prescriptive.
It publishes on 26th September in the UK. If you fancied pre-ordering a copy, you can do so through your local bookshop or visiting this page with links to some online booksellers:
https://www.panmacmillan.com/authors/brian-bilston/let-sleeping-cats-lie-pet-poems/9781035050550
Here’s a poem from the collection:
Wilf the Labracadabrador
Wilf the Labracadabrador
(who in dog years is seventy-six)
is a magician, a conjurer
and a hypnotist.
He saws teddies in half.
He pulls rabbits from hats.
He makes all his food vanish,
just like that.
Renowned for his showdogship
and smooth sleight of paw,
Wilf’s about to em-bark
on a nationwide tour.
Last week, I showed him
how to juggle with sticks.
Whoever said you can’t teach
an old dog new tricks?
Solo shows for 2024
NewsI’m doing a few solo poetry shows this year, starting this month with Chester, Lincoln & Scarborough.
I’ll be in Falmouth, Totnes & Launceston in April. And Belfast & Dublin in October.
If you fancy coming along to a show, you can get tickets here: https://brianbilston.com/events/
Mnemonic
Assorted Poems, Some poemsThirty days hath September,
April, June and November.
Unless a leap year is its fate,
February hath twenty-eight.
All the rest hath three days more,
excepting January,
which hath six thousand,
one hundred and eighty-four.
2024 Shows (warning: may contain poetry)
NewsWell done, everybody, for making it to January 569th.
I’ve been grateful for those extra days this month, as it’s given me time to get my head together for my 2024 shows, which begin in just over two weeks’ time with a run of dates with the fabulous poet (and human) Henry Normal. We start on 16th February in Bexhill-on-Sea on the south coast.
Shows in Nottingham and Monmouth have now sold out – alongside Salford, Leeds, Exeter, Bath, Stroud and Leek.
There are only a handful of tickets remaining for London, Oxford, Bury St Edmunds, Coventry and Ilkley.
Tickets are also on sale for Sunderland, Barrow, Wolverhampton, Norwich, Berwick-upon-Tweed, Stirling, Aberdeen, Dundee, Edinburgh, Glasgow, plus two new shows announced last week: Bristol and Southampton.
And a small reminder that I’m doing a few solo shows this year in fancy coming along to one: Chester, Lincoln, Scarborough, Falmouth, Totnes, Launceston, Belfast and Dublin.
If you came to see me last year and for some strange reason are considering coming along again, then you might be reassured to know I’ll be reading a bunch of new poems (alongside a few older ones). There’s a guarantee of a least two new jokes or your money back (terms and conditions apply*).
Links to more information and tickets can be found on this page: 2024 shows and ticket info
* Brian Bilston reserves the right to define what constitutes a joke. A joke may not always be dependent on laughter.
Warning: this post contains the C word
NewsIs it too early to be thinking about Christmas?
Almost certainly, yes.
Is this year going to be THE year in which you get all your shopping sorted way ahead of time?
Probably not, no.
Is there a book publishing today which could solve many of your Christmas shopping headaches?
No idea, tbh.
Regardless, I thought I should probably let you know that I have a new book coming out today. It’s a collection of Christmas poems called And So This is Christmas.
Poems cover most of the festive basics, such as: the likelihood of snow; secret Santa shopping; family tensions; the voting habits of turkeys; the difficulty of getting hold of some myrrh; disruptions to the regular bin schedule; bloody robins.
Oh, and the commercialization of Christmas, of course.
If it wasn’t too early to be thinking about Christmas, I would tell you that the book is available through all bookshops – online stores and proper ones. I’d probably also share this link, which provides links to some of the bookshops through which you can order it online:
https://linktr.ee/brianbilston
I might also mention that the paperback of Days Like These will be publishing in just under a month and that also might serve as a Christmas gift for someone for whom you don’t want to go to much effort.
But given it’s only 12th October, I probably shouldn’t. In fact, best just to disregard all of the above; I wish I hadn’t mentioned it now.
WARNING: Blog Post May Contain Traces of Christmas
NewsI’m delighted to share with you some exciting – if somewhat unseasonal – news …
I have a new poetry collection coming out in October, perfectly timed for Christmas: which is a good job really because it’s a book of Christmas poems. It’s called ‘And So This is Christmas’ and is now available to preorder.
The book will be available through your local bookshop, or online. If ordered online through the link below, you can also support an independent bookshop of your choosing: Preorder here
A very Merry July and a Happy New August to you all.
And Now for the Weather
Assorted PoemsToday is set to be agreeably alliterative
across an assortment of areas
although the occasional metaphor
may cause some faces to cloud.
Idioms will be coming down like stair rods
in northern regions, while the south
may experience the odd outbreak of similes,
like an unexpected shower of arrows.
In coastal, littoral, and seaside areas,
synonyms remain likely.
Further inland, sudden gusts of hyperbole
look set to take your breath away
and a series of scattered euphemisms
will have you reaching for your wellies.
If you’re driving, please be aware that tautologies
of frozen ice are still affecting some roads,
after a heavy and prolonged flurry of oxymorons.
And finally – from tomorrow evening –
expect to see the return of some light litotes,
making next week’s outlook hardly the best.
Job Interview with a Cat
Some poemsTell me, what is it about this position that interests you?
The warmth, perhaps? The security?
Or the power you must feel by rendering me useless?
Feel free to expand if you wish.
I see you have had experience of similar positions.
Can you talk about a time when you got someone’s tongue?
Or were set amongst the pigeons?
Have you ever found yourself in a bag only then to be let out of it?
Tell me, how would you feel if you had to walk on hot bricks?
What about a tin roof of similar temperature?
With reference to any of your past lives,
has curiosity ever killed you?
Finally, where do you see yourself in five years?
In the same position? Or higher up to catch the sunlight?
Or would you like to be where I am now?
Oh, it appears you already are.
Alexa, what is there to know about when the paperback is coming out?
Assorted Poems, NewsI’m delighted to receive some advance paperback copies of my book ‘Alexa, what is there to know about love?’. It publishes on 3rd Feb and is available to pre-order.
I’ve taken a photo of it next to a plant because that’s what book bloggers sometimes do if a cup of cappuccino is unavailable.
It’s available through all the bookshops, particularly the independent ones. The book may or may not be appropriate for Valentine’s Day or be put to a variety of other sundry uses.
I’ve also attached a few poems from it, what always used to refer to as ‘bonus promotional content’.
