news

Breaking News

We interrupt this poem to bring you reports
of an explosion

of wild untruths and other signs that the news
is broken.

Early indications from those who were first
on the scene

have led to widespread fears of another Sweden
or Bowling Green

and that peace might erupt at any moment
in other places.

It is believed that amongst the rubble of reality
were found traces

of humanity and an understanding that stretches
beyond borders.

Many experts predict this will lead to a new wave
of presidential orders

for such trumped-up charges form part of
a familiar pattern.

But back to the poem: we’ll bring you more news
as it doesn’t happen.

Advertisements

On Escaping from Nature

The birds are at it again,
arguing about Brexit
from their branches;

the smug song of a starling,
the crows’ cry
of blue murder,

and the inexpert chatter
of a so-called chaffinch.
Across the street,

a dog cocks its leg
against a lamppost
in protest against

the chronic neglect
of the National Health Service.
A leaf lies ignored

on the pavement
it slept on last night,
and dreams of home.

Further out,
in surrounding fields,
cows hold seminars

on the refugee crisis
and the pigs debate
what to do about Syria.

Goats stare bleakly
from desolate crags,
remembering Trump.

Soon it will be time
for the penguins to march
against global warming.

I do what I can
to keep nature at bay,
drown it out

with radio or TV,
find refuge
in the tranquillity of Twitter.

But it’s late now
and outside
I can hear the owls

calling parliament
into session
once more.

New Research Suggests

New research suggests that eighty people hold half the world’s wealth.
New research suggests that death may be harmful to your health.
New research suggests that 9 in 10 people will suffer from suffering.
New research suggests that the greatest cause of stress is buffering.
New research suggests that there is no link between Shostakovich and bleach.
New research suggests that the average life expectancy is one life each.
New research suggests that poetry may be harmless.
New research suggests that tank tops may be armless.
New research suggests that Donald Trump may lead to complications in the bile duct.
New research suggests that happiness is an artificial construct.
New research suggests that artificial constructs can make you happy.
New research suggests that the ancient Egyptians invented acne.
New research suggests that Van Gogh’s cat painted Starry Night.
New research suggests that there may be life on Marmite.
New research suggests that hobnobs are better than digestives.
New research suggests that new research can be suggestive.
New research suggests that Elvis is dead.
New research suggests that I should stay in bed.