O do not ask
if I am beach body ready.
Observe how the folds of my stomach ripple
like the wind-pulled waves.
Rub your hands over these pale buttocks,
sand-smoothed by time.
Note my milk-white limbs like washed up whalebones,
stranded and useless.
Consider these tufts of hair on my back and shoulders
sprouting wildly like sea-grass.
And listen to the lapping of my socks
at the shores of my sandals.
And still you ask me
if I am beach body ready?
The mathematician John Venn was born on this day in 1834.
To commemorate the occasion, here’s a poem in the form of a Venn diagram.
I took delivery yesterday of some advance copies of the gorgeous new edition of ‘You Took the Last Bus Home’.
In celebration of that, here’s the title poem …
You Took the Last Bus Home
you took
the last bus home
don’t know how
you got it through the door
you’re always doing amazing stuff
like the time
you caught that train
Why do I always watch my birds?
I know that statement sounds absurd
but today I reached an all-lime toe
when I received a blushing crow.
It’s wetting gorse – and here’s the crunch:
my conversation packs a lunch.
I’m not sure when all this began
but I think I need a plaster man
to help me when my stouth gets muck.
I should sit, perhaps, and bead a rook,
fight a liar, or flick some powers.
No, I think I’ll go and shake a tower.
…………………………………………………………………..
The Reverend William Archibald Spooner was born on this day in 1844. He’s remembered today for his unfortunate habit of getting his words muddled up. Happy Spoonerism Day to all those who belly crate.
Sunday – and the squirrels are lazing in their branches,
the sheep are congregating for morning service,
and the bears are sleeping off their sore heads.
The sloths are taking things slow, the hippos are wallowing,
the cats are curling up on the newspaper in front of the television.
The alpacas will spend the day in their fluffies.
Not everyone is taking it easy. The deer are up already
for a walk around the park. The ducks are planning a trip
across the lake. The salmon have gone wild swimming.
The snails are pottering about the garden, while the crows
scan its aisles for materials and a spot of DIY. The pigeons have split
up: some are hanging around the shopping centre,
others intend to spend the afternoon at the Test match.
The lions are having an old friend over for dinner, the camels
are baking, the spiders are browsing their webs, and the humans…
the humans are wondering where the weekend has gone
as they stave off the prospect of another beastly Monday,
questioning the natural order of things.
In the park,
the tall trees are waving
in the afternoon breeze.
I wave back
only to realize they are waving
at the person behind me.
Sounds Made by Humans – an album of my poetry put to music by the fabulous Catenary Wires – can now be listened to on Spotify, iTunes and those other streaming platforms.
“A contender for album of the year.” Backseat Mafia
“An instant cult classic. 5/5” Louder Than War
And if you like what you hear, you can hear it played live this autumn when we’re heading off on a UK tour. There will be music, poems, mugs, tea towels, and somewhere to sit down (should you want to). We can be found in the following places …
12 Sep: RAMSGATE: Music Hall
30 Oct: BANBURY: Mill Arts Centre
1 Nov: LONDON: Bloomsbury Theatre
3 Nov: NORWICH: Norwich Arts Centre
4 Nov: STAMFORD: Corn Exchange
5 Nov: MILTON KEYNES: The Stables
6 Nov: BRIGHTON: Komedia
12 Nov: WORCESTER: Huntingdon Hall
13 Nov: NOTTINGHAM: Metronome
14 Nov: SWANSEA: Grand Theatre
15 Nov: BRISTOL: John Wesley’s Chapel
21 Nov: MANCHESTER: Halle St Peters
22 Nov: OTLEY: Courthouse
23 Nov: CHORLEY: Chorley Theatre
24 Nov: LIVERPOOL: Royal Philharmonic
25 Nov: SHEFFIELD: The Foundry
26 Nov: GLASGOW: Centre for Contemporary Arts (CCA)
27 Nov: NEWCASTLE: The Pilgrim
28 Nov: POCKLINGTON: Arts Centre
4 Dec: HERNE BAY: King’s Hall
Hope to see some of you along the way.
And onto today’s climate forecast,
where we can expect to see a prolonged spell of inaction,
interspersed with patches of hazy promises
across many areas.
Over Westminster and other centres of government,
a build-up of hot air will cause inactivity to soar
to record levels over the coming days,
in spite of the high pressure.
Elsewhere, a front of chronic misinformation
will sweep in from the east,
bringing with it a thick band of climate change deniers
and the chance of scattered falsehoods,
while powerful gusts of idiocy and ignorance
look set to blow across social media.
Outbreaks of ‘We just got on with it in 1976’
and ‘It’s called the British summer, mate’ are likely.
In summary: unsettling.
Exciting times … I’m coming back to Ireland this October to read some poems in what is set to be my most extensive tour there yet*:
17th: BELFAST, Mandela Hall
18th: DUBLIN, Ambassador Theatre
19th: LIMERICK, Lime Tree Theatre
20th: DERRY, Millennium Forum
Tickets are on sale here: https://brianbilston.com/events/.
Book now to guarantee disappointment.
* previous record = 2 shows
One tour may have just finished but here’s news of another one coming soon …
I’m delighted to announce that this autumn I’ll be going on tour with The Catenary Wires, for some fun-filled evenings of music and poetry. We’ll be performing our album ‘Sounds Made by Humans’, and there’ll be poems from me and music from the band throughout the night.
Most of the gigs are in November, with a few either side. We’ll be coming to Banbury, Brighton, Bristol, Chorley, Glasgow, Herne Bay, Liverpool, London, Manchester, Milton Keynes, Newcastle, Norwich, Nottingham, Otley, Pocklington, Ramsgate, Sheffield, Stamford, Swansea, and Worcester.
Tickets have gone on sale this morning. For the full list of shows and links to tickets, you can find them all here:
And here are few review snippets of ‘Sounds Made by Humans’:
“[An] album of the year.” Backseat Mafia
“An instant cult classic. 5/5” Louder Than War
“Filled to the rafters with wit and smart hooks.” Here Comes the Flood
Hope to see some of you there.
Brian
