Thanks to everyone who has come along to my shows so far this Autumn. Most of you have even come back after the interval, which is very kind and forgiving of you.
Next week I’m in Banbury, Stamford, Pocklington, Liverpool and Otley. They’re all sold out, I’m afraid, but there are a few tickets left for the following week – in Caerphilly and Crickhowell. After that, the only other shows with tickets available this year are Frome and Bridport.
And just to say that some of my 2024 shows with Henry Normal are selling very quickly – particularly Exeter, Glasgow, Leeds, London, Nottingham, Oxford, Salford and Bury St Edmunds – so if you’re thinking of coming along to any of those, you may need to get your tickets soon.
Is this year going to be THE year in which you get all your shopping sorted way ahead of time?
Probably not, no.
Is there a book publishing today which could solve many of your Christmas shopping headaches?
No idea, tbh.
Regardless, I thought I should probably let you know that I have a new book coming out today. It’s a collection of Christmas poems called And So This is Christmas.
Poems cover most of the festive basics, such as: the likelihood of snow; secret Santa shopping; family tensions; the voting habits of turkeys; the difficulty of getting hold of some myrrh; disruptions to the regular bin schedule; bloody robins.
Oh, and the commercialization of Christmas, of course.
If it wasn’t too early to be thinking about Christmas, I would tell you that the book is available through all bookshops – online stores and proper ones. I’d probably also share this link, which provides links to some of the bookshops through which you can order it online:
I might also mention that the paperback of Days Like These will be publishing in just under a month and that also might serve as a Christmas gift for someone for whom you don’t want to go to much effort.
But given it’s only 12th October, I probably shouldn’t. In fact, best just to disregard all of the above; I wish I hadn’t mentioned it now.
At last! I’m delighted to announce that my most recent book Days Like These is finally available for pre-order in North America. It will officially publish there in hardcover on 5th December and is available through all good bookstores and also Amazon.
It contains a poem for every day of the year, each one inspired by an event associated with that day – from the invention of television to World Bee Day; from the first appearance of Barbie to the banning of flirting in New York; from Independence Day to the first transatlantic phone call.
Subjects I’ve written about along the way include: quarks, morse code, Wittgenstein, bananas, unicorns, the unification of Italy, the Rubik’s Cube, water, Waiting for Godot, the moon, Jane Austen, Esperanto, beer, Doris Day, Lego, kindness, Pluto (the ex-planet not the dog) and Elvis.
Days Like These joins You Took the Last Bus Home, Alexa, what is there to know about love? and Refugees in being available in North America.
Sorry to mention the C word but my book of Christmas poems– And So This is Christmas – which publishes in the UK in October won’t be available in print in North America until next year (presumably to prevent too much excitement happening in any one year).
Here’s one of those mildly boring updates about when and where I’ll be reading poems over the coming months.
First, a couple of new shows to announce for March 2024. Tickets have just gone on sale for CHESTER (Storyhouse) and LINCOLN (Theatre Royal). Earlier this week, tickets also went on sale for a couple of events next May in Cornwall (FALMOUTH and LAUNCESTON). I hope to announce some new shows for next year in Scotland soon.
For this year, most shows have now sold out. But there are a few tickets left for Lytham St Anne’s, Stamford, Caerphilly, Crickhowell, Frome and Bridport.
I’ll also be at the Morecambe Poetry Festival next month with the brilliant Henry Normal. Tickets are selling fast for that. There’s a stellar line-up of poets all week.
And on the subject of Henry, the two of us are on tour together next year when we’ll be coming to: Bexhill-on-Sea, Salford, Sunderland, Leeds, Bury St Edmonds, Stroud and Bath (in February); Monmouth, Exeter, Oxford, Coventry, Wolverhampton, London (in March); Ilkley and Nottingham (in April).
After all that, I’ll be going easy on events for a while, catching up on laundry etc, maybe even writing some poems.
I’m delighted to share with you some exciting – if somewhat unseasonal – news …
I have a new poetry collection coming out in October, perfectly timed for Christmas: which is a good job really because it’s a book of Christmas poems. It’s called ‘And So This is Christmas’ and is now available to preorder.
The book will be available through your local bookshop, or online. If ordered online through the link below, you can also support an independent bookshop of your choosing: Preorder here
A very Merry July and a Happy New August to you all.
Today is set to be agreeably alliterative
across an assortment of areas
although the occasional metaphor
may cause some faces to cloud.
Idioms will be coming down like stair rods
in northern regions, while the south
may experience the odd outbreak of similes,
like an unexpected shower of arrows.
In coastal, littoral, and seaside areas,
synonyms remain likely.
Further inland, sudden gusts of hyperbole
look set to take your breath away
and a series of scattered euphemisms
will have you reaching for your wellies.
If you’re driving, please be aware that tautologies
of frozen ice are still affecting some roads,
after a heavy and prolonged flurry of oxymorons.
And finally – from tomorrow evening –
expect to see the return of some light litotes,
making next week’s outlook hardly the best.
As many of you know, I will be embarking on a tour over the coming months, on which I shall be reading some of my poems in front of mildly perplexed and bewildered audiences around the UK. I thought I would take this opportunity to answer some of the most common questions I get asked in response to this news.
1. Will books be on sale – and will I be signing them?
Yes, the plan is to partner with a local bookshop wherever possible and have them on sale at the event. I have made a note to bring a pen with me should anyone want their copy signed.
2. Will I actually be visible at the event or do I plan to read the poems behind a curtain / wear some elaborate disguise such as a giant papier-mache head?
Unfortunately, I will be present and visible at all events. Tickets have been discounted on this basis.
3. Are you intending to be two and a half hours late for all your events, like you were for that one in Glasgow the other week?
No, it is my intention to be on time for all future events, despite travelling by network rail to most of them. I am factoring in a cushion of 72 hours into my journey times to offset any rail delays.
4. Will I be accompanied by my cat?
Sadly not. Buttons, the beautiful cat who appears on many of my author pics passed away 18 months ago. While I now have two new cats, both seem keen to distance themselves from my work, preferring the poetry of Simon Armitage and Carol Ann Duffy.
5. Will I read that poem about the Daily Mail?
Almost certainly.
6. Cornwall?
This is not really a question as such, more just a place-name followed by a question mark. The same goes for ‘Scotland?’, ‘The North-East?’ and ‘Melbourne?‘. If the question is “Will I be doing any shows in Cornwall (Scotland, the North-East, Melbourne etc)?” then the answer is that I would love to, but I’m all booked up for 2023. Over time, I’d like to read my poems in all sorts of places. Even the Isle of Wight.
7. Are there tickets still available?
About half the shows are now sold out – and some are close to selling out – but there are currently tickets still on sale for the following (in chronological order): Swindon; Portsmouth; Worcester; Morecambe; Buxton; Lytham St Anne’s; Kendal; Sheffield; Sale; Banbury; Caerphilly; Crickhowell; Clevedon; Bellaghy; Cheltenham; Frome; Chippenham; Bridport; Southampton.
Information on all the shows are available through the link below:
Tell me, what is it about this position that interests you?
The warmth, perhaps? The security?
Or the power you must feel by rendering me useless?
Feel free to expand if you wish.
I see you have had experience of similar positions.
Can you talk about a time when you got someone’s tongue?
Or were set amongst the pigeons?
Have you ever found yourself in a bag only then to be let out of it?
Tell me, how would you feel if you had to walk on hot bricks?
What about a tin roof of similar temperature?
With reference to any of your past lives,
has curiosity ever killed you?
Finally, where do you see yourself in five years?
In the same position? Or higher up to catch the sunlight?
Or would you like to be where I am now?
Oh, it appears you already are.
