you took
the last bus home
i still don’t know
how you got it through the door
but you’re always doing amazing stuff
like the time
when you caught that train
you took
the last bus home
i still don’t know
how you got it through the door
but you’re always doing amazing stuff
like the time
when you caught that train
you stitched together
the pauses
from old, discarded
Harold Pinter
plays
until you had made yourself
a
blanket
of
silence
when she missed London
she would lie down
upon the carpet,
hold a mushroom to her ear
and hear the sounds of
the Portobello market.
it was quite by accident
that i discovered Paul Young
in the garden that morning,
living under a hat.
he appeared to have
made himself quite at home
there although he admitted to
periods of abject loneliness.
i would visit him daily,
feeding him turnips,
the ends of which he
would store in his turn-ups.
upon arriving, he would beg
me to stay for good this time
but, having other things
to attend to, i never did.
however i did enjoy the feeling
of him next to me and so
every time i went away,
i would take a piece of him with me.
then one day, to my dismay,
i lifted up his hat, and found
there was no more of him left,
not even an ankle or an earlobe.
in a rage, i tore his playhouse down
before going inside to stroke
my cyndi lauper.
The poet Laurie ate
Was Lord Alfred Tennyson,
Whom he found rather tough
Although less so than venison.
I can picture the exact moment
That we began to grow apart.
The usual Thursday wallow-around
(Kick-about being too lofty a term),
The mistimed challenge, the boot
Jack-knifed down upon my own,
The mumbled apology,
And the game continuing around us.
Later, back in the dressing room,
I looked for signs of damage
And although you looked no different,
I knew that you were.
That night in bed, to prove me right,
Your transformation, as subtle
As a reading lamp, began.
It was an unremarkable beginning.
A blanched greyness spread
Across the nail, like a bland surprise,
As if the blundering ghost of that tackle
Had come back to haunt you.
In the days that followed
Your true colours began to shine through,
Angry reds and bruised purples
Competed with each other
Before settling down in an uneasy truce.
I would rush home every evening,
Shoes and socks strewn across the hallway,
And inspect you, not merely to wonder
At what new hue you had turned into
(No-one do the new hue like you do)
But also to run my fingers over
The contours of your newly-formed ridges,
As brittle as life itself.
They were bittersweet times
As a gallows humour crept into our lives
(Hey, toe, what’s your favourite kind of solvent?
It must be No Need For Nails!)
And all the while, the nascent nail
Growing and pushing, pushing and growing,
Undermining, overwhelming,
And toe’s company, three’s a crowd.
Our parting when it came, though,
Came suddenly. The sun shining down,
A foot raised up from the sea,
And there the usurper but not the usurped,
Presumably washed away in the surf.
I still dream about you sometimes:
A beach-combing boy, looking for treasure
Amongst the pebbles and shells,
His eye caught by an unexpected gleam
In the sand, and something both
Splendid and mysterious is gathered up
For his collection: an Ionian jewel.
he was known
as man bag man
as he was
a man
and he had
a bag
inside which
was
a man
carrying a man
was his bag
Of all my mates,
Tony was the pick of ’em.
He knew loads
About Tanita Tikaram.
Like that she was
From Basingstoke.
Tony. Amazing bloke.
When Janice walked out
Of his dreams
And into the saloon bar
Of The Sparrow and Sickle
That domino-fuelled Thursday night,
Bob knew it was love at first sight
For he felt his blood thicken,
His pulse quicken,
Damn near choked on his chicken
In a basket.
Janice-stricken,
Bob was a shadow
Of his formless self,
No longer the doyen
Of the domino domain
(For that was now Ken).
Tiles clacked
With a fatal distraction.
As Bob watched Janice
Sidle over to the juke-box
He imagined her
Supplicant and supine,
Not, as she was, putting on
Walking on Sunshine.
Bob was held in thrall
No more and he returned
To the game.
For Bob there were some things
That love could not withstand.
Katrina and the Waves being one
(Another, the bloody
Goombay Dance Band).
[The above poem is a homage to John Cage’s experimental composition, 4′ 33″. Mine’s a bit better, though, as it’s four seconds longer (but only if read at the right pace). For best results, please approach this poem from the right hand side, in a mood of sullen indifference, whilst drinking a glass of Fentiman’s Ginger Beer.]