Verse

Kiss

Gimme a kiss, a smooch,
a snog, a smacker.

Light up my lips
with a lusty firecracker.

Please don’t ignore this;
let us conjoin our labia oris.

Because I’m a sucker
for the way
that you pucker.

I hope
that our lips
get stucker and stucker.

So let’s osculate now,
I can’t help myself.

Oh, sorry, I thought
you were somebody else.

The One Pound Emporium

EVERYTHING COSTS A POUND!
Declared the One Pound Emporium
WITH PRICES TO CONFOUND!
You’d be a fool to be ignoring ’em.

Two Packs of Duracell Triple-A batteries?
ONLY A POUND!
Twenty-one Prairie Bog Organic Cranberries?
ONLY A POUND!
Watering Can with Adjustable Nozzle?
ONLY A POUND!
Genuine Million Year Old Sperm Whale Fossil?
ONLY A POUND!
Three Packets of Sherbet Dip Shoestrings?
THAT’S JUST A POUND!
A Guide to Wittgenstein’s Philosophical Musings?
TO YOU – A POUND!
A Signed Photograph of Kris Akabusi?
JUST A POUND!
A Thirteen-Jet Trojan Party Disco Jacuzzi?
STILL A POUND!
A Sticklebrick Play Train?
A POUND!
John Constable’s Haywain?
A POUND!
A First Edition of Papillon?
A POUND!
The Hanging Gardens of Babylon?
A POUND!
A woman called Ruth?
A POUND!
The concept of truth?
A POUND!
A stray dog enclosure in which you can stow ’em?
A POUND!
The author of many a modernist poem?
EZRA POUND!
One Pound?
A POUND!
Another Pound?
A POUND!

But then the 99p Store
Opened next door
And nobody wanted to know anymore.

Halloween: A Triptych from the Cryptych

I

he called her ‘pumpkin’
as she carried a candle for him

that her head was orange,
fleshy and too big for her body
were further contributory factors

II

that Halloween,
being poor,
she just wore
a haunted expression
upon her face
and the ghost of a smile
on her lips

but everyone was more impressed
with Darren’s Freddy Krueger razor glove

III

on his final halloween
Colin decided to go,
not as a phantom,
but a pumpkin lantern

he had scooped out
half his head
before he realised
he was dead