Skew,
Spew,
Barmy Hairdo,
Cut-throat,
Bigot,
and Smug.
Selected poems
The Problem of Writing a Poem in the Shape of a Wine Glass
Assorted Poems, Selected poems
The Ice Cream Vans
Assorted Poems, Selected poemsIt has been warm this winter
so it was not until today
that I saw the vans begin
their slow rumble south –
startled into movement
by the early January frost
which had gathered softly
upon their windscreens
before waking them suddenly
as if from a night sweat.
I watch this strange procession
as it passes, a curious sight
suggestive of fun and funerals –
an ice-creamed cavalcade,
a cornettoed cortege
of lollies and ninety-nines,
all pinks and whites
and Mr Whippy markings –
bound for North Africa.
Not all will make it.
And, as they pass by,
I hear the wayward chimes
of Greensleeves, O Sole Mio,
Half a Pound of Treacle,
for these are the songs
they sing to each other
as they start their journey
and I feel myself charmed
even though they do not
chime for me.
Pretty Things
Assorted Poems, Selected poemsThey spent the day swapping
stardust-sprinkled stories
of classroom rebel rebels
and rescued car journeys,
eye-shadowed evenings
of first gigs and girlfriends,
best gigs and boyfriends,
fan letters insanely penned,
awkward teenage oddities,
faces and phases and changes,
moon landings, all-time lows,
serendipity in far-off places,
the loneliness of Lazarus,
and the golden years of families,
fame, fashion, fancies, dances,
all the fanatically-vinyled panoplies,
tall, true tales of we-can-be-heroes,
for Planet Earth was blue
and there was nothing else
they could do.
My Unbearable Politeness of Being
Assorted Poems, Selected poems
Why I have never read War and Peace: Ten Excuses
Assorted Poems, Selected poems
My Resolution will not be Televised
Assorted Poems, Selected poems

Curriculum Vitae
Assorted Poems, Selected poemsNo, You Cannot Borrow My Mobile Phone Charger
Assorted Poems, Selected poemsHelp yourself to whatever you’d like from my larder:
my stilton, my sherry – or my port, if you’d rather –
but no, you cannot borrow my mobile phone charger.
If you want I will read you an ancient Norse saga,
or dance naked in public to Radio Gaga,
but no, you cannot borrow my mobile phone charger.
Make me learn all the speeches of President Carter,
force-feed me quinoa until I grow larger,
but no, you cannot borrow my mobile phone charger.
You can beg all you want but I’m not going to barter
because no, you cannot borrow my mobile phone charger.
If your heart was an org chart
Assorted Poems, Selected poems



