Capricorn
Trousers start to sag
as your pockets bulge with coins.
A year of much change.
Aquarius
You join the circus.
Retrain as tightrope walker.
Good work-life balance.
Pisces
You leave the city
to become a sheep shearer.
New year, a new ewe.
Aries
On Twitter you find
your new haiku horoscope.
It tells you little.
Taurus
You hate your star sign.
Disgruntled, you convert to
Capricornism.
Gemini
Mars enters the sphere
of concupiscent Venus.
Not sure what that means.
Cancer
The year drifts past you
in TV shows and hot food.
Netflix and chilli.
Leo
You date all your cheques
with the year twenty sixteen
until November.
Virgo
You stare at your phone,
look up briefly in July,
then stare at your phone
Libra
At last you make it!
That flat pack IKEA desk
from their Croydon store.
Scorpio
You decide to stop
thinking about anagrams
and sort out your file.
Sagittarius
Year of good fortune.
Not once do you encounter
Jeremy Clarkson.
Thank you. I feel so much better now.