Job Interview with a Cat
Tell me, what is it about this position that interests you?
The warmth, perhaps? The security?
Or the power you must feel by rendering me useless?
Feel free to expand if you wish.
I see you have had experience of similar positions.
Can you talk about a time when you got somebody’s tongue?
Or were set amongst the pigeons?
Tell me about a time you’ve had to deal with a difficult situation –
for instance, have you ever found yourself in a bag?
If so, how were you let out of it?
How would you feel if you had to walk on hot bricks?
What about a tin roof of similar temperature?
With reference to any of your past lives,
has curiosity ever killed you?
Finally, where do you see yourself in five years’ time?
In the same position? Or higher up to catch the sunlight?
What’s that? You would like to be where I am now?
Oh, it appears you already are.
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Good questions, Brian. But if only we understood things from a cat’s point of view.
The Cat’s Miaow
(If we could only understand it)
I wish you would stop mooning man
You’re really going overboard
You may believe you’re on a mission
But man up it’s my decision
See, certain things are manifest
Like you’re the slave and I’m the best
If you can get this then we’ll manage
It’s mandatory, saves on damage
I really like that man-sized bed
So you can take the ottoman
I’m one strong puss, you’re man of the weak.
If manumission’s what you seek
You’d better man the barricades
Or man the pumps or man the boats
Cos I’m the king and you the man
It’s been like that since time began
Don’t try to tell me your my boss
Man, that will only make me cross
If you can’t handle me and you
I’ll take myself to cat-man-du
Chris