Month: January 2015


Love was being left on the table.
Assets were unleveraged, needles unmoved.
Low-hanging fruit dangled down forlornly,
awaiting plucking.

He’d eaten the reality sandwich
and knew a new game plan was needed;
something to deliver a bang for his buck,
open the kimono, rub his rhubarb.

He sought alignment.

He flipcharted in the ideation laboratory,
pondered his own value proposition;
it remained unclear as to whether he had one.
He noted this down as a pain point.

He reviewed his immediate pipeline:
Fran from finance; Linda from sales;
Barbara from inhumane resources.
He imagined hotdesking them,
onboarding them, piggybacking them.
The thought was as welcome
as putting socks on an octopus.

So he thought out of the box,
bought in external lists based on key attributes:
Gender (female); Age (25-35);
Status (unmarried / unhappily married);
Interests (sex / cooking / golf).

Prospects were surveyed,
core competencies interrogated 
and hot leads pumped into his funnel 
for further nurturing and nurdling.

Only Melissa from Melton Mowbray 
survived the process; the capability matrix
clearly showed that she was where
the rubber hit the road. 

He brought her in for a focus group,
with a view to further quality function deployment,
and sat and listened to the Voice of the Customer.

She thought him a twat.


while eating a Müller® Fruit Corner
(blackberry and raspberry edition),
Greg read an article in a magazine
entitled ‘You are what you eat’
and the very next day woke
from unsettling dreams to find
he had turned into yogurt

as he oozed his way across the bedsheet,
Greg wondered what to do about the 10 a.m. board meeting


Blue may differ in hue,
lightness or chroma
so to say I feel blue
is a miscoloured misnomer.

You may be the blue
of pantone two ninety two
but perhaps another blueness
may give a better trueness
of your inner youness.

Why not try sky,
some shade of Cerulean,
pale OR bright OR frosted
to use logic that’s Boolean.

Sit and contemplate your navy,
aquamarine forms of sea power,
or pluck blues out of nature,
like duck-egg or cornflower.

For those that remain loyal
then, of course, there is royal,
but if you remain skeptic
or have tastes more eclectic,
like Bob, you might consider
going electric.

Then there is Spanish, Prussian,
Egyptian and Persian;
that’s a lot of nationalities
of which blue has a version.

Which blue hue is the true you
is not for me to tell.
Just do do the blue hue
that you do so well.

And if you’re not sure,
there’s always azure.


Following the Pedants’ Revolt,
it was clear the semi-colons had to go.
Nit-picking sticklers sickened
by the centuries of their abuse,
misuse and misplacement oversaw
their displacement overseas.

Sentenced to de-sentencing,
they found themselves deported
to semi-colonies where
they could do no further harm.
Related clauses were reunited
or sadly, in some cases, split up.

Occasionally rogue semi-colons
would still be found; in a newspaper;
an obscure monograph; a badly-written poem.
The rebel writers would live in fear
of the knock at the door and
the heavy boots of the grammar police.

Sometimes these authors would
suddenly disappear, mysteriously,
before they had even fini

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