love

The Romance of the Cup

Assorted Poems, Selected poems

Colin loved the Cup,
more than the plate or the saucer,
or the complete works
of Geoffrey Chaucer.

He stopped seeing his mates,
took it out on dates,
to the museum, the pictures,
to Pam’s All-American diner,
Colin and his old china.

He drank from it greedily,
speedily, needily
until one night, in a bath
lit by a water-lily floating candle,
he asked for its handle
in marriage.

Some said that to wed
crockery made a mockery
of matrimony
and remembered with acrimony
the time his sister, Trish,
got engaged to a ramekin dish.

But one week before the big day,
he slipped while carrying
the breakfast tray,
its contents fell to the floor
and clattered.

Colin’s Cup dreams lay shattered.

supermarket

Assorted Poems, Selected poems

in the supermarket of her love life,
she rummaged in the rubble of reduced items,
looking for something edible,
if perhaps not entirely credible

later,
in the bagging area of her bed,
she found the unexpected item of Fred

Body Language

Assorted Poems, Selected poems

Doug considered himself an expert
in reading Denise’s body language.

He made a study of her
and identified three main patterns of behaviour:

1) the way in which upon seeing him
she would dart into a nearby hedgerow

2) the way in which she would clamp her hands
tightly to her ears and close her eyes whenever he talked

3) the way in which, when once his hand lightly brushed hers,
she looked enquiringly into his eyes and then applied
an elbow to his ribs and a toe-cap to his shins

Doug understood
the unspoken intentions
hidden beneath the actions.

It was clear that she was desperately in love with him.

Kilimanjaro

Assorted Poems, Selected poems

the night Greg
summoned up the courage
to deliver his carefully prepared speech
to Sandra,
he was nervous,
declaring that he would
climb the deepest oceans
and swim the highest mountains
to be at her side

when Sandra laughed at him
and pointed out his mistake,
Greg fled and did not leave
his bedroom for ten days

the next time he saw her
Sandra was seeing Steve Glover
whom she subsequently was to marry

six years later, though,
Greg was to have the last laugh
when he became the first man
to swim breaststroke
across Mount Kilimanjaro

failure

Assorted Poems, Selected poems

five years passed
before Denise
admitted to herself
that they were never
going to get it together

yes, they were close
but it was like there was
something missing

and although they
worked on it together,
talked things through,
looked at it from all angles,
tried new things out
(this way and that),
it never seemed
quite right

why Mike should think
that flat-pack assembly
was such a good idea,
Denise would never know

We Are Books

Assorted Poems, Selected poems

I am a book.

But one of those books
With an aspiration beyond its station,
A pale imitation of Nabakovian narration.
Characterisation never the strongest,
I’m forever on the longlist,
Always the prize-maid, but never the prize
(And do mind that plot-hole).

You are a book.

The Turko-Polish Technical Dictionary
Of Hydraulic Engineering, to be precise.
You are far from concise
And run into three volumes
With online supplementary material,
(Including downloadable PowerPoint slides).
I have very little idea how to read you
Or whether I should even try.

But still we sit side-by-side,
On the shelf,
Our companionable silence
Speaking volumes.

Little Poems

Assorted Poems, Selected poems

She would write
little poems for me,
and scatter them
around the house,
like unexpected confetti.

Elliptically cryptic
in construction,
these notes of seduction
defied further
deduction.

2 tins toms, read one,
Cuc x 3, caulie, bread rolls.
Dead Sea Scrolls
would be decidedly
more easily
deciphered.

I came to adore
these lettres d’amour,
and would secretly clamour
for their post-it-note
glamour.

Boiler on blink. Phone man.
said another.
Dinner in dog
whilst perhaps
not the prettiest
was one of her
pithiest.

Prosaically profound,
part-Ayres, part-Pound,
her poems
would confound.
I hate you
And I hate your stupid face.
I am leaving you.
was the pinnacle,
so crisp

and so clinical.

Such a shame
she disappeared
shortly after that.

things i would (and wouldn’t do) for love

Assorted Poems, Selected poems

i would do anything for love

wear a hat,
do the dusting,
stroke your cat,
read Augustine

but i won’t do THAT
because that’s disgusting

Love Amongst The Dominoes

Assorted Poems, Selected poems

When Janice walked out
Of his dreams
And into the saloon bar
Of The Sparrow and Sickle
That domino-fuelled Thursday night,
Bob knew it was love at first sight
For he felt his blood thicken,
His pulse quicken,
Damn near choked on his chicken
In a basket.

Janice-stricken,
Bob was a shadow
Of his formless self,
No longer the doyen
Of the domino domain
(For that was now Ken).

Tiles clacked
With a fatal distraction.

As Bob watched Janice
Sidle over to the juke-box
He imagined her
Supplicant and supine,
Not, as she was, putting on
Walking on Sunshine.

Bob was held in thrall
No more and he returned
To the game.
For Bob there were some things
That love could not withstand.
Katrina and the Waves being one
(Another, the bloody
Goombay Dance Band).

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