My Unbearable Politeness of Being
It’s the same dilemma
every year, I find,
upon meeting a person
for the first time,
for how long
does wishing them
a Happy New Year
remain de rigueur?
Perhaps I blow things
out of proportion
but I tend to err
on the side of caution
so I’ve always
Happy New Year-ed
until October the Third.
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On the 7th of Jan I was writing to the managers of my Dutch sports club, offering them an office chair for free.
“Dear managers,
I have an office chair I would like to give you for free….”
and the reply was
Dear Michel
First of all, best wishes and good health for 2026. That’s just how we do things in the Netherlands – we always start with that.
Thank you for thinking of us….
That’s you told!
Must tell you – again – this is too brilliant! No wait – what the heck is too brilliant?
I am staying with my friend Gillian who is in the room next to mine. My unbearable politeness of being takes a different form. I wonder if Hamlet encountered the same problem?
To pee or not to pee, that is the question:
Whether ‘tis nobler in the night to suffer
The pain and pressure of a bloated bladder
Or to sneak out across the creaking floorboards
To find the freezing bathroom. You lie yet sleep
No more; and wide awake and clenching hard
The harsh red of the unrelenting clock
That sears your eyelids: ‘tis a constipation
Devoutly to be missed. To pee you creep,
You creep, release the stream – Oh! Such relief:
For in that stream of piss what comfort comes.
Then you must make this fundamental choice:
To flush or not to flush. That turns
Out to be the real question. Am I right?