He was mighty
In Italia 90,
A sure-fire bet
To find the net.
In terms of his career
1990 would appear
To have been the pinnacle
Of Gary Linnacle.
Alice only saw the banality
of Sports Personality
of the Year.
As a form of protest
she carved a grotesque
of Gary Lineker
(to go with her gargoyle
of Frankie Boyle).
And although Alice had never cared
for football (only rugby),
she found his jug ears
made a serviceable mug tree.