Love was being left on the table.
Assets were unleveraged, needles unmoved.
Low-hanging fruit dangled down forlornly,
He’d eaten the reality sandwich
and knew a new game plan was needed;
something to deliver a bang for his buck,
open the kimono, rub his rhubarb.
He sought alignment.
He flipcharted in the ideation laboratory,
pondered his own value proposition;
it remained unclear as to whether he had one.
He noted this down as a pain point.
He reviewed his immediate pipeline:
Fran from finance; Linda from sales;
Barbara from inhumane resources.
He imagined hotdesking them,
onboarding them, piggybacking them.
The thought was as welcome
as putting socks on an octopus.
So he thought out of the box,
bought in external lists based on key attributes:
Gender (female); Age (25-35);
Status (unmarried / unhappily married);
Interests (sex / cooking / golf).
Prospects were surveyed,
core competencies interrogated
and hot leads pumped into his funnel
for further nurturing and nurdling.
Only Melissa from Melton Mowbray
survived the process; the capability matrix
clearly showed that she was where
the rubber hit the road.
He brought her in for a focus group,
with a view to further quality function deployment,
and sat and listened to the Voice of the Customer.
She thought him a twat.