The Clarkson Verses

Clarkson Apologist

Reader, please beware
of the Clarkson apologist.

Here’s how you can find out
if you’ve got one in your midst.

He’s the kind of man who says
global warming does not exist.

Defends his golf club’s ban on women
then claims he’s not sexist.

He illustrates homosexuality
through the limpness of a wrist.

Still talks about the two world wars
and then clenches his right fist.

Bemoans the bloody immigrants
of which his England now consists.

Every night he drives home
his terrain response Range Rover pissed.

I could go on
but I’m sure you get the gist.

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Jeremy Clarkson Poem Number Eleven

Eeny, Morris Minor, Moe
Catch a Clarkson by his toe
If he hollers, don’t let go,
Eeny, Morris Minor, Moe.

Jeremy always seemed
Like such a nice bloke,
The way he’d drive,
The way he spoke
(About feckless Mexicans
And sloping Asians,
Jeremy had a quip
For all occasions!).

Who would have thought
There could be any basis
On which to label
Him a racist?