History Poems

Richard the Lionheart

He had the heart of a lion.
He was as strong as an ox.
But he had the liver of a goat
and the stomach of a fox.

The doctors were sent for
to allay the king’s fears,
but they were confounded
by his cauliflower ears
and the crow’s feet beneath his eyes
which shed crocodile tears.

Was he animal, vegetable or mineral?
They had no idea, but growing bolder
the doctors operated on the king
and removed the chip from his shoulder.

Advertisements

Not Reigning But Drowning

Go on, get back.
I’m a king of fine repute.
Because I rule the waves
And my name is Canute.

Hey, did you listen to me?
You can’t lap against my boot.
Because I rule the waves
And my name is Canute.

Look, don’t get any deeper.
I’m warning you, old fruit.
Because I rule the waves
And my name is Canute.

Right, now you’ve gone too far.
If only there was a plug.
Because now the waves rule me
And my name is gurgle … gurgle … glug

The War of the Roses

It was the Caramel Velvet
Who started it,
Getting a nudge
From the Country Fudge
Who began to scuffle
With the Chunky Truffle:
He had him
Over a Golden Barrel.

To the Turkish Delight,
All became night
As the box was plunged
Into Brazilian darkness.
A fire broke out
And the Coffee Escape,
Trying to avoid the scrape,
Was burnt to
An Orange Crisp.

It was a Praline Moment.