An Outbreak of Matt Hancock

turned off my phone and radio
got rid of my tv
ran barbed wire around the house
yet still i am not free

matt hancocks in the sitting room
matt hancocks in the loo
matt hancocks in the kitchen drawer
i don’t know what to do              

there’s six of them beneath the stairs
in the fridge another ten
my house is getting overwhelmed
by underwhelming men

i think i may have lost my mind
i see them every place
just yesterday i stroked the cat
she had matt hancock’s face

filled gaps in all the skirting boards
laid poison in the hall
set traps involving bits of cheese
but nothing works at all

matt hancocks haunt my dreams at night
wake up screaming yet again
my mind is getting overwhelmed
by underwhelming men

9 comments

  1. Being a clueless American I don’t know if the Matt Hancock you are referring is the Stephen Hunt’s character in “ Neighbors” or Matthew John David Hancock, your Secretary of State for Health and Social Care.

  2. Brilliant, as ever, Brian. 😂 I have downloaded an app that warns me of his near presence. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work. Bloody Serco.

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