Thank you for applyin’.
I hope you don’t find this distressful
but on this occasion you have been unsuccessful.
We found your poetry
unsatisfactory to the nth degree,
a cross between a dog’s dinner and a catastrophe.
In fact, the kind of drivelling doggerel
one might find inscribed
on a cheap sheet of bog roll.
Your limericks are limited,
haikus quite hopeless,
your sonnets have as much class
Oh, and your ballads are bollocks.
We wish that you suffered from more writer’s blocks.
Your verse is about buses and tank tops and socks;
you think you’re profound but you’re more like pro-lost.
And as for your poems about Clarkson
they’re bordering on the litigious.
On the plus side,
your spelling’s quite good
and your output prodigious.
Professor A.P. Brearley