I hereby declare this is the last but one
will and testament of Brian Herbert Bilston.

The full contents of my kitchen drawer,
some string, a spoon, a broken straw,
I bequeath to cousin Theodore.

My 1982 Trevor Francis Football Annual,
(contains a profile of his cocker spaniel),
I bequeath to my nephew, Daniel. 

A pristine edition of Naomi Campbell’s Swan,
unread, unopened, with its cellophane on,
I bequeath to my strange Uncle Ron.

My signed photo of Sharon Davies,
which was blu-tacked to my wall for ages,
I bequeath to dear Auntie Mavis.

My belly button fluff (March 86 to June 89),
a particularly favourite crop of mine,
I bequeath to cousin Caroline.

Nik Kershaw’s The Riddle on twelve inch vinyl,
once accidentally dropped in a pub urinal,
I bequeath to my best friend Lionel.

My poems, my novels and other writing,
all those endless hours of typing,
I bequeath to the bin for recycling.

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