I hereby declare this is the last but one
will and testament of Brian Herbert Bilston.
The full contents of my kitchen drawer,
some string, a spoon, a broken straw,
I bequeath to cousin Theodore.
My 1982 Trevor Francis Football Annual,
(contains a profile of his cocker spaniel),
I bequeath to my nephew, Daniel.
A pristine edition of Naomi Campbell’s Swan,
unread, unopened, with its cellophane on,
I bequeath to my strange Uncle Ron.
My signed photo of Sharon Davies,
which was blu-tacked to my wall for ages,
I bequeath to dear Auntie Mavis.
My belly button fluff (March 86 to June 89),
a particularly favourite crop of mine,
I bequeath to cousin Caroline.
Nik Kershaw’s The Riddle on twelve inch vinyl,
once accidentally dropped in a pub urinal,
I bequeath to my best friend Lionel.
My poems, my novels and other writing,
all those endless hours of typing,
I bequeath to the bin for recycling.