Eat Your Hat

There’s nothing tastier than a hat,
everybody knows that.

They’re good for her
and good for him,
they give you added fizz and vim,
they fill you up
to the brim.

You don’t have to be a hatter
or a platypus
to know a hat-filled platter
must matter
more than asparagus.

Start your day
with a bowler tricorneflakes
and see the difference
that eating a hat makes.

To accompany your baked beanies,
murder a homburger,
a pork pie hat,
or a spam o’shanter.
Wash it down
with a can o’fanta.*

Get your palate clean
with a Sombrero ice cream
or a raspberet sorbet
with a bonbon bonnet
upon it.

*Other fezzy drinks are available.


  1. how dare you give us all advice
    filled with such distaste and vice
    now I have a bone to pick with you
    after I did what you told me to do
    doesnt matter in what amount,
    anything in must come out
    so after I devoured that
    everyone called me ass hat!

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